are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
