I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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