I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
