you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
