he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
