hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
