i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
