my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
