I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
