I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
