My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
