people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
