also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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