When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
