you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
