found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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