Having a random hookup so left but love u
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
