dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
