It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
