I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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