I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
