dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
