Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
