So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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