So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
