I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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