We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
