My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
