someone owes me an orgasm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
