please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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