i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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