So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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