Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
