Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
