Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
