I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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