I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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