I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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