We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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