everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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