is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
