I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
