i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
