meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
