I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
