He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
