My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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