I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
