Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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