South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
