omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
