my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
