The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
